How to Build Rapport : “How To” Real Estate Investing Class

You have probably noticed before that sometimes, you just click with some people. Let’s say you are at a networking event. There is always that one person that you strike a conversation with and everything just flows. You both seem to enjoy each other’s company and the entire experience is effortless. On the other hand, you have also experienced those people that are like a brick wall. You can’t get anything out of them. Personally, I find those people a joy to talk to now because I take it as a challenge. How do I have to communicate in order to break through to this person and establish a meaningful connection?

There is a science that explains why you click with some people and not with others. Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the science of how communication, both verbal and nonverbal, effects the nervous system. One of NLP’s tenants says “the meaning of communication is the response you get.” Soooo, if you are not getting the response you want from, let’s say a seller, the fault is in your communication. What an empowering thought! By taking the blame for the situation, you retain control. Change the way that you are communicating and you’ll change the response that you will get.

And now for the “Meat & Potatoes.” People like people who are like themselves. The question becomes, “How do you become more like someone that you want to connect with?” Matching and mirroring is one of the strategies from NLP used in order to establish that bond and build rapport.

There are many different ways to match and mirror. For instance, your meeting with a potential client at Starbucks for coffee. He orders a tall coffee, sits down and crosses his legs, leans back in the chair, talks slow and lightly sips on his coffee. Here’s what not to do…tell him how much you hate coffee, sit on the edge of your seat, and talk a mile a minute.

When I am with someone or talking on the phone, I will pace my rate of speech to match theirs. If they are a fast talker, I’m a fast talker. If they talk slow as molasses, I’m going to do the same. You can also match their tonality and pitch. I listen out for key words and phrases they use often and toss them into conversation casually. The most important thing to remember here is that all of this must be done under the radar. Imitation, as Shakespeare once said, is suicide. In the past 4 years that I have been studying NLP and actively mirroring and matching, I have yet to have a negative experience.

And speech is just one area. Body movements, demeanor, facial expressions, energy level, and mood are all things that can be mirrored and matched. Pay attention to the details and remember that the whole point of all this is to come across as someone that they know very well. Someone that reminds them of themselves.

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